How to Straighten a Man
by PsychoticSmartypants
Summary: We all know of Ron's charming table manners. Let's see what Hermione's going to do about it! Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition!


**Here's a Romione Fanfiction! Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition! Hope you like it! And make sure to leave a review! Happy Reading!**

**Prompt Number 2: Lesson**

**Position: Seeker (Reserve)**

**Team: Montrose Magpies**

**Top 10 Reasons Why Ronald Billius Weasley Annoys the Living Hell Out of Hermione Jean Weasley!**

**1.** He leaves dirty laundry on the floor and walks over it and over it again and again without putting it in the hamper.

**2.** He says he's cleaned up the kitchen, however he'll leave the pots & pans in the sink because they have to "soak". Guess who eventually ends up cleaning the pots and pans.

**3.** Snores, snores & snores - This problem can be fixed if he would only use his CPAP machine. However he refused to use the machine because half the time it hasn't been cleaned out and he's afraid of getting a bacterial infection (though I doubt he knows what that means…)

**4.** Asks for a list for the grocery store but always comes back with items not on the list therefore duplicated things that we already have in the cabinet or fridge.

**5.** Unopened mail will sit for days in the same spot where I've been asked to leave it purposely so that he'll see the mail and remember to open it. (Family now sends howlers… makes my day every time)

**6.** Pulls all his receipts out of his overstuffed wallet and leaves them on the dining room table. He tells me not to touch them as he has to go through them before anything is thrown out, but those darn receipts will sit there for days.

**7.** He spends at least 30 minutes in the bathroom (after he's showered and gotten ready!) every morning (and sometimes in the evening) making us often run late for things.

**8.** Kisses me when im talking about something important (mostly it's got to do with him) it's _really _distracting!

**9.** Insists on keeping the light on at night for our new Guinea Pig.

**10.** **Eats like a pig (no offense) every time! Even at parties and family meetings!**

Reason number 10 annoys me the most! He gets me weird looks at Ministry parties. Now that he's a head in the Auror Department he gets invited to parties and get-togethers all the time, and every time people say something or the other about his style (that's what he calls it) of eating.

He prefers to use his fingers instead of forks or spoons and he stuffs his face with whatever there is to eat. He starts talking while he's eating and mostly drops out some bits, which is _really_ gross! He always has his elbows on the table (told him so many times not to, still doesn't listen) and he certainly does _not _chew with his mouth closed…

If he's eating Pasta or Spaghetti (which I tend to avoid making… you'll figure out why) he won't twirl it around his fork, he'll just grab a mouthful with a fork and stuff it into his mouth! And it's all hanging out of his mouth… seriously annoying! And whenever someone's passing something ahead of him, he intercepts and takes out his own serving… that's serious bad manners! But he just won't understand!

Now, just because of Ron, Hugo tends to act like a doofus too! He eats like Ron does, shoveling food into his mouth, and leaning on the table with his elbows propped up! Rose and I are the only sane ones, remembering our manners and trying to get the boys to behave but NO! It's not going to happen! Whenever I tell Ron its time he fixed up his manners he kisses me (and it's _really_ distracting) so we get to nowhere… maybe not that kind, but we _do_ get _somewhere_…

One unfortunate night (not for me !) Hugo and Ron started a burping game at the dinner table, they tried to guess what they were saying in burps… finally I snapped! I had had enough! I pulled out a rubber pig Ginny had given me (it was her idea all along) and placed it in the middle of the table.

'We need to get a few things straight,' I announced. 'You see this?' I asked pointing at the pig. 'This is the key to a pleasant dinner. Ron snorted at that. 'Want to know how?' They all nodded cautiously.

1. If you burp, toot, or make an inappropriate bodily noise, you get the Pig!

2. Every time you have a sharp tone or rude words, you get the Pig!

3. If you chew with your mouth open, or…try to throw food into somebody else's mouth while it's open, you get the PIG!

4. Napkin in your lap, not on top of your sister's head or else, PIG!

5. Rocking in your chair, getting out of your chair, falling out of your chair, PIG!

6. The pig will move from person to person as laws are broken.

**7. Whoever ends up with the pig at the end of dinner does everybody's dishes.**

Everybody stared at me, awestricken. In a blur, everybody caught their forks and spoons, folded their napkins and placed them in their laps. They sat up straight and started to chew silently. I sat down and started to finish my own dinner. And after that eventful dinner, only Ron and Hugo got the pig, and they both only got it once! And boy, you should have seen Ginny and Harry's faces at the next family dinner. And not only them, everybody was surprised to see Ron oh so quite! It was the best ever!

At the end of dinner Ginny came up to me, winked, and slapped me a high-five!

'Lesson learnt,' she muttered as she walked back to a rather tight Ron Weasley.

**Hope you liked it! Once again, don't forget to drop a review! ~Smarty**


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